


Non Autem Memoria, Part 1

by WittyWallflower



Category: Sanctuary (TV)
Genre: Amnesia, Comfort, F/M, Friendship, Helen rolls with the punches - was there ever a doubt?, Innuendo, Memories, Now complete, Temporary Amnesia, Teslen - Freeform, Unresolved Sexual Tension, this is not medically accurate amnesia and i am not sorry 'bout it, unnecessary mention of Keanu Reeves, wow these tags are a mess. good luck.
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-09
Updated: 2017-11-26
Packaged: 2018-10-17 00:19:00
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 13
Words: 20,727
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10582476
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WittyWallflower/pseuds/WittyWallflower
Summary: Helen Magnus can't remember most of her life and her team works to find a cure for her amnesia while Nikola tells her about her past. But the artifact that caused this memory loss is mysterious, and they don't trust Nikola not to have a hidden agenda.





	1. Chapter 1

“There should be an antechamber just up ahead, Doc.” Henry Foss reported as he tapped at the map on his tablet.

Helen Magnus and her team were making excellent progress through the caves. Though truth be told, she was getting rather sick of caves. Why couldn’t Abnormals and artifacts appear on a deserted tropical island? She knew she’d be bored within days with laying about on the beach but at least a mission could be sunny and warm for once. 

“So there’s this theory on the internet.” Kate’s voice drifted up from the rear where she was chatting with Henry. Scans had detected no movement or heat signatures in the cave system, no signs of life beyond the lichen, so Helen hadn’t been concerned with shushing any chatter. “That Keanu Reeves is really immortal.”

“Keanu-.. what, from the Matrix?” Henry asked dubiously.

“Yup. There’s all these pictures and painting of people throughout history that are dead-ringers for him. And some of these people they can’t find records of, so who knows what happened to them. ”

The general atmosphere of the group was doubtful, but Kate was too amused by the idea to let it go. What else did they have to talk about down here? Rocks?

“Hey, maybe he’s a vampire, like Count Shockula.” She went on with a laugh. “And he has to change his identity every 50 years or so when people start to notice he doesn’t age.” They had seen weirder thing in their line of work. 

Helen snorted at the fanciful idea. 

“So, in theory, Keanu Reeves is an immortal, ageless vampire who has escaped detection for centuries, uprooting his life entirely whenever people start asking questions?” Helen asked as they arrived in a room with a small but elaborately carved stone door set into the rock wall on the other side. She turned to her team as she lowered her pack to the floor. “And he gave up all that secrecy and risked discovery to star in 'Bill and Ted’s Excellent Adventure'?” 

“Well, when you put it that way…” Even Kate had to admit it sounded dumb.

Magnus only arched a brow and knelt to extract her what she needed from her pack.

“Maybe he really is The One,” Will quipped to Henry who chuckled. “Maybe the Matrix is autobiographical."

“Don’t be absurd, Will. Keanu Reeves is neither The One nor is he a vampire.” Helen grabbed her materials and stood to face the door. “He is an Aabrax.”

Helen set to opening the door and it took her a moment to realize her team hadn’t joined her. Turning, she say them goggling at her in shock. 

“He’s a what now?” Will had the presence of mind to ask.

“An Aabrax.” She waved them over and the three set to work as she explained. “They aren’t immortal, in fact they are not even particularly long lived. But you see, Aabrax reproduce by making perfect genetic copies of themselves. Identical in every way.”

“And Keanu is one?”

“Normally they would reproduce in large numbers that live together in tribes where they all share the work. An evolutionary redundancy of sorts, with so many copies of the same genes running around the genetic line can’t be wiped out. Of course, that sort of thing is hard to hide in the modern world, so these days Aabrax follow rigid family lines, no more offspring than could be creditably passed off as triplets for example. Keanu is actually the 7th generation of his line that I have known.” 

“How many of these Aabrax are out there?” Was Will’s first concern.

“YOU KNOW KEANU?!” Kate had far more pressing questions however.

“And you never told us? Doc, c’mon!” Henry complained. “I must have made you watch 'Bill and Ted’s' like 18 times when i was a kid.”

“And imagine how many more silly movies I would have had to sit through if you’d know that at the time.” Helen’s smiled at her adoptive son so he wouldn’t take offense. She made a mental note to invite Keanu to the Sanctuary so the team could meet him.

For now though, she had to focus as she finished delicately maneuvering the tightly fitted stone from its crevice. From what the map they had found, half-crumbling in a book older than Old City, the artifact lay behind this rather heavy little door. The stone fit so tightly it was likely protected from dust and damp. She rather hoped so because the nearly illegible text on the original map seemed to indicate they were about to find a time capsule. The mystery of the day would be determining what society had left it behind and why.

When they finally gained access, it turned out to be a small alcove, no more than a few feet deep. Within sat an object that reminded Helen of nothing more than a large egg made of polished grey marble. But when she extracted it from the alcove, it was too light and warm to the touch to be stone. She noticed a straight line, definitely not naturally occurring, on the surface of the artifact as she turned away from the small niche where it had lain hidden for untold years. 

It was fascinating and she wondered what culture could possibly have left it behind. But when she raised her head, lips parted and ready to speculate, she noticed the faces of those watching her. There was something wrong with them but she couldn’t put her finger to it. They were just faces of people. 

Wait, what people?

“Who-“ Helen started to verbalize the question when the world suddenly closed in around her. Her vision went black and she collapsed. 

Henry darted forward to catch Magnus as she fell, barely in time to ease her to the floor without injury. The artifact was allowed to roll away unheeded on the stone floor. Will approached to check Magnus but found all vitals stable, within the normal range for the minor excitement and fatigue of the mission so far. He ordered them all back the Sanctuary as quickly as possible, keying his comms to have transport prepped and waiting for them. Kate carefully scooped up the weird egg thing in her pack, doing her best not to get close to it or touch it herself. She held the bag at arm’s length as she followed Henry and Will, carrying Magnus between them, back to the surface.

Thank god it was a clear shot back to daylight, Kate thought. She did NOT want to put the damn pack of mystery evil on her back and who knows how they would have managed Magnus. Thankfully whatever gods that look out for Sanctuary fools and small children had been kind that day. The team wassoon on their way back home with their unconscious leader.


	2. Chapter 2

  
Nikola charged into the infirmary and halted, scanning the room until he found her. Now that he could see that she was alive and conscious and visibly unharmed, he could begin to compose himself. Take a few breaths, smooth his waistcoat back into its proper place. Will strode up during his hesitation and tried to stop him from approaching Helen.  
  
“You don’t need to be here.” Will announced firmly.

How cute, thought Nikola, Huggy Bear is trying to be intimidating and order me around.  
  
“Don’t be a fool, William.” He wouldn’t waste his time explaining that where Helen was so too would be Nikola.    
  
He shoved past the mortal man and strode over to where she sat at her desk in the infirmary. Before it though, not behind it in her customary seat. Curiouser and curiouser. But it vastly preferable to seeing her spread out on an exam bed. Hooked up to tubes and machines to sustain her life. It felt as if a cold wind passed through him at the thought.  
  
“Really Helen, this is absurd.” Her head whipped around to him when he addressed her. "I know how protective your minions can be but how can I be expected to complete the homework Teacher has assigned me if I can’t reach you to consult on the particulars?"  
  
Her eyes were a bit wary but that was normal. He expected that from anyone who dealt with him and felt rather unimposing if he didn’t get it. He liked keeping people on their toes. But Helen’s eyes were... confused as well. Unsure. Insecure? Whatever it was, they lacked the confident stare of Doctor Helen Magnus and the change was so notable, his steps halted once more.  
  
“Hello.” was all she could offer in response.  
  
The unexplained amnesia that had popped up during their last mission had pulled the rug out from under her. She had blacked out and woken up with no idea who these people were, or even where she was. Despite the medical equipment, this was clearly no hospital. She had no idea who this man was who had charged up, talking about minions. But the other two (Will and Henry, she rehearsed the names so she had at least one solid memory, and the girl is Kate) had said she was safe. They explained the Sanctuary and the work they all did together while running her through a battery of tests. Since they had let the new arrival in after all, it didn’t follow that he was likely to be a threat.  
  
But what does one say to a person who could be anyone in the world, really? For all she could recall, the man standing before her could be the Prime Minister.

Introducing herself seemed ridiculous, he had addressed her by name, they were clearly already acquainted.  
  
“Can I help you?” Was all she could think of. It was so pathetic she almost winced. And in her current situation she most certainly could not help him, or anyone else, least of all herself.  
  
Nikola’s initial reaction was disgust until he observed a lack of her usual tells. The little things that gave her away when she was joshing with him, about to play a practical joke, or even secretly enjoying his flirtations. That tiny laugh line by her eyes, a twitch of the lips she tried to cover. None were there. This wasn’t some childish game she was playing to deflect him when he annoyed her.  
  
He spun to face Will and Henry, the latter flinching at being the sudden focus of vampiric intensity and Will just barely restraining himself from doing the same.  
  
“What have you done to her?” Nikola demanded. His voice changed slightly, shifting closer to the register he spoke in while vamped out.  
  
“Hey, what?! Nothing! We didn’t do anything and we have no idea how this happened!” Henry was quick to defend himself, waving his tablet in the air for emphasis. “We’ve run every test we can think of and even invented a few. There’s no reason for Magnus’ memories to be gone.”  
  
Nikola had snatched the tablet from Henry's hand. But he froze before a finger touched the screen as Henry finished speaking. Memories… gone?  
  
He spun back to Helen again, searching her face for any sign of recognition. He went cold again as he failed to find any. Her gaze was so vague and impersonal. Surely it couldn’t all be gone. Surely his oldest friend, his only friend, must still know him somehow.  
  
“Helen?” Nikola was surprised to hear his voice come out so steady and calmly questioning, because he felt like he was choking on his heart in his throat.  
  
“Yes.” She said, her expression was unlike her - rueful and sheepish, embarrassed almost. “That much I can remember.” His brows furrowed and she mistook his consternation for confusion. “My name, that is. I know that I am Helen Magnus, that I was born in August of 1850 to Gregory and Patricia. I remember my youth clearly but distantly. When i try to focus on any adult memories they seem to slip out of my grasp. I get only a vague sense of things feeling familiar.” That why her mind hadn’t immediately rejected the nature of the Sanctuary and the people who lived there. Why she listened to Will and Henry and didn't doubt their answers to her questions.  
  
And this man, slender with an engaging face and a wild shock of hair, was familiar. Rather intensely so. Did that mean she knew him particularly well, or that she had particularly strong associations with him? The two were by no means mutually exclusive. Who was he? What was his relationship to herself?

Every last aspect of her life was a mystery now and it was going to be exhausting to solve them all.  
  
Nikola barely maintained his calm. Oh how he wanted to howl and rage, to expose his teeth and claws. Smash the infirmary, destroy his lab, tear the whole damn Sanctuary down around his ears. He felt utterly adrift, no idea what course to set, what could possibly be before him. He felt… as if he had lost the only one he cared about and the only one who cared about him. His best and oldest friend, the first woman he had ever allowed into his life, his ljubav. It felt like she was dead and he had to pretend he wasn’t a creature in pain because she was not dead. Helen was right in front of him, sitting primly with her ankles crossed and hands clenched tightly together in her lap. Helen was here, and she was confused and frightened and needed his strength.  
  
As she had pulled him through the early days of his transition, creating the medicine that kept him alive without indiscriminate killing, so too must he help her through this. He quelled the panic within him, ruthlessly suppressing his pain. After all, he reasoned with himself as he expelled a shaky breath, her memories could very well return. Helen could return to him and he would help her back. No doubt Huggy-bear would consider himself better suited for the job, but someone had to keep the Sanctuary running.  
  
The lack of trust the others had for him rather came in handy now. Nikola had no responsibilities to stop him from occupying his time entirely with Helen’s recovery.  
  
“It must be terribly distressing.” he managed to say soothingly while his mind raced ahead. “Set your mind at ease. I promise you, you are among friends. Allow me a moment to ensure you are getting the very best of care and I will return to introduce myself properly.”  
  
Helen nodded in acquiescence. Nikola sketched a quick little bow before he turned to Henry and Will. Summoning them with a tilt of his head they stepped out of her range to speak.  
  
“How long as this been going on?” It was hard to sound properly demanding when one had to keep voices lowered, Nikola seethed.  
  
The other two glanced at each other awkwardly, unable to bring themselves to respond.  
  
“How. Long.” Tesla’s tone was approaching the cold rigidity of stone. He’d only seen the index of test results on Henry’s tablet but that was data in itself. They really had tested everything, and that assault of medical pokery took more than one afternoon in the infirmary.  
  
“Three days.” Henry finally murmured, rubbing the back of his neck.  
  
Nikola choked back an outburst that may very well have featured his vampiric self. Will tried to defend the fact that Helen had been injured three days ago and no one had informed him. Nikola knew he had been caught up in his lab a lot lately. Between his dedication to his work, Helen’s dedication to her busy schedule, and her foolish and tormenting habit of occasionally choosing to avoid his company, he hadn’t particularly expected to see her.

  
  
_He’d been working on the latest non-lethal pacifying weapon Wolfboy had designed that he encountered a dilemma of sorts. It would be nothing to modify a few parts and improve both the range and energy efficiency of the weapon. But Helen had expressly forbidden him from deviating from the design schematics unless she personally approved the changes. Tedious and pedestrian he thought, but it did give him an excuse to seek her company and wheedle out a bit of her highly selective attention. She couldn’t get angry with him for approaching her with such professional considerations._  
  
_Speaking of ‘pedestrian', he thought shortly thereafter, having trekked the length and breadth of the Sanctuary looking for her. An exaggeration, but only a trifling one. He’d checked her office and library, the kitchen, even the wine cellar (one never knew. he may not have found Helen but he did find a bottle-shaped friend down there) before finally approaching the wunderkind protégé’s office only to find it empty as well._  
  
_With a long-suffering sigh, he reached into the breast pocket of the immaculately tailored jacket he had put on before seeking Helen. He stabbed blindly at his speed dial. The only numbers programmed in the phone were the few Sanctuary members he interacted with these days. It didn’t matter to him who he got on the line as long as they had an answer to his question._  
  
_“What’s up?” young Heinrich answered his call._  
  
_“Where is Helen?” Nikola didn’t bother with pleasantries or things like “hello” because he had suffered a minor aggravation in locating her and was working up a good petulant pout about it. With any lucky she might even devote herself to soothing him when he finally found her. He could usually talk her into a glass of wine; in those situations his pout always disappeared immediately so he could turn on the charm._  
  
_Henry’s lack of immediate response drew Tesla from his hopeful thoughts._  
  
_“Uh..” There was a rustling over the line: Henry muffling the phone. But vampire hearing could catch a word here and there._  
  
_“…for Doc.” he was saying._  
  
_“…not Tesla’s business…” That would be Helen’s puppy dog protege._  
  
_“..her friend! if it was…”_  
  
_The exchange went on in furious whispers and he could catch no more. But soon Henry was back on the line._  
  
_“Tesla?” The young HAP’s voice was hollow. “We’re down in the infirmary. You better come. It’s Magnus…”_

  
  
  
So he had come running, quite literally, to find himself a stranger to the woman with the vacant eyes. Tesla drummed his fingers against his chin as he rather impressively, he thought, suppressed his urge to do violence. The inept bungling of these mortals was not going to endanger Helen further. He would see to her care.  
  
“Right. Here’s whats going to happen, kiddies. You two are going to work on finding a cure. Recruit the Sasquatch to help you, he has shown himself surprisingly adept at human physiology. William, i expect you can see to official business, young Katherine can be recruited to help with the feeding schedules. ”  
  
“But the Doc..” The concern was clear in Henry’s voice. That as well as the fact that Henry, as far as Nikola had barely managed to hear, had actually advocated on behalf of the vampire, endeared him to Nikola.  
  
Not precisely a lot since it had taken him three days, but Nikola could overlook a lot of sins in a man who loved the great Helen Magnus, albeit in a very different manner than he himself did.  
  
“Worry not, Heinrich, Helen will be kept under observation by myself. My vampire senses can detect changes in her vitals faster than your medical machines and after all, I have known her the longest, who best to fill in the blanks?”  
  
That seemed acceptable to Henry but Will was instantly suspicious.  
  
“No. No way. Who knows what you would tell her?” Will was sure Tesla had an angle here, here, he always did.  
  
“Why, whatever she asks, of course.” Tesla smiled in a parody of innocence, not above goading the boy.  
  
“I don’t buy it. You could fill her head with any lie you wanted. I don't trust you. For all we know, you had something to do with this.” Will accused.  
  
“Right, because making her forget all my redeeming features, which are many, will help my cause. Really, William, didn’t you used to work solving crime? You would have made a terrible detective.” Nikola’s grin hid a wealth of fury at the other man. As if Nikola would risk Helen’s magnificent mind. “And frankly, you don’t have a choice in the matter. If you try to stop me, the resulting chaos will only frighten her further and make it harder for her to trust all of us. You wouldn’t want that, now would you?”  
  
Will fumed but remained silent. Externally. Internally he cussed Nikola Tesla out with his entire vocabulary of vulgarities. And resolved to meet with Magnus daily, both to discuss how she was coping with the memory loss and to fact check every word out of Tesla’s smarmy mouth.  
  
“I’m so pleased we sorted that out amicably. Now, i have a patient to attend to.” Nikola said as he left them. The matter was serious enough that Nikola didn’t acknowledge any obvious innuendo about 'playing doctor'.  
  
Henry could tell Will was worried. “I don’t know, man. I don’t think he’d hurt Magnus, not these days. And he’s right, he knows things we could never tell her. Maybe he can jar some memories loose. Tell her stories that remind her who she is”  
  
“Yeah. Maybe.” Will took a deep breath. Getting Magnus back to normal was the most important effort right now. “Lets double check all those test results, make sure we didnt miss anything.”  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AN - hope you didn't trip over that awkwardly placed flashback. Its bad feng shui, i know.


	3. Chapter 3

“My deepest apologies for my manners, Helen.” Nikola’s smile was friendly and engaging as he returned to her, and he had his best accent on as he gave her a proper deep courtly bow this time. “My name is Nikola Tesla. I am rather an old friend of yours, we have known each other for many many years.”  
  
“I’m sorry, I wish I could remember..” Helen apologized but Nikola shushed her gently.  
  
“No, do not concern yourself, my dear. It is no fault of your own. You are unwell, that is all. Until you are restored to health, we will look after you.”  
  
He offered a hand to her and she hesitated in accepting it. She only looked at it for a moment but it was enough for him to notice and retreat a step. Did he understand that contact with a strange man didn’t feel like a habit to her? Did she even understand it? But then he didn’t feel strange, precisely. Lord, it was so frustrating not to know anything.  
  
“Now.” He spoke again as if the awkward moment hadn't happened. "I have heard the sustenance to be found in the infirmary is abysmal. Perhaps we could find you a cup of tea?”  
  
This Nikola Tesla was being very considerate. Clearly he was very concerned for his friend, for her. Helen forcibly reminded herself that she wasn’t the only one who was going to have a hard time with this situation. These people were not the strangers they seemed to be, they were people she worked closely with every day, people she cared about. She couldn't push them away; she had chosen to surround herself with these particular individuals and she must have had good reasons for doing so. She may not know much but she had a sort of blind faith in her own judgement.  
  
She extended her own hand for the one he had previously offered. His manners offered it immediately and his smile seemed more easy when she allowed him to help her to her feet. And it all seemed entirely natural to slip her hand into his arm and let him guide her into the hall.  
  
“There isn’t a tea brewed on this Earth that is strong enough to help make sense of things.” She mused, trying not to feel overwhelmed.  
  
Nikola’s heart beat hard for a moment. Yes, this was his Helen, there and not there at the same time. Little memory of her past yet still the yen to take a glass of wine after a trying day.  
  
“I have an excellent vintage i found only today. Allow me to offer you some proper libations.” Nikola had had amazing foresight in adding the wine cellar to his search this morning. A glass would help ease the tension, for both of them.  
  
He’d abandoned the wine in his rush to the infirmary but it was convenient to retrieve on their way to the library. It would be the best place to sit and talk at ease. Helen’s old friend kept the fire going and the tea service fresh in there and the surroundings were comfortably neutral.  
  
Not neutral enough, it seemed. Helen’s steps faltered as she entered and her head craned around to take in the walls lined with books. She crossed to one shelf, drawn by the neat row of titles, drawing a finger along the leather bindings. Most were in excellent care regardless of obvious age. The leather of one was worn and cracked though clearly well oiled and dusted. Her hand rested on it. Perhaps it was well loved and often read. How many of these had she read, she wondered. No more than the smallest fraction of all the knowledge in this room, surely. But it was all gone now. Helen felt empty and useless and suddenly very very small. She slid the battered book from the shelf and gripped it tightly against her chest. Like a shield between her and this strange world.  
  
Nikola was standing back, allowing Helen to look over her favorite room of the Sanctuary. Helen had always loved to learn and that made books precious to her. She had thirsted for knowledge her entire life, encouraged by her father who paid no mind to societal conventions for a girl child. It was no wonder she had grown into a rampant bluestockings with an active, agile mind and no timidity about asking questions or pointing out mistakes. She had been an outcast among her male peers at Oxford and books had supplemented her meager complement of companions. Nikola had always considered himself lucky to be one of the few in her inner circle.  
  
He saw the moment the books ceased to bring her joy and stepped up to gently take her elbow. She allowed him to steer her to the fireplace where she sank down on the loveseat. Nikola retrieved two glasses and busied himself with uncorking the wine. He gently pried the book she was still holding from her hands so he could pass her a glass. Nikola would have tossed the book aside but the title caught his eye and he had to smile as he took a seat in the armchair across from her.  
  
His amusement pulled Helen from her introspection. She gave him a questioning look.  
  
“This rather unimpressive tome you picked happens to be a gift from myself.” Nikola said, nodding at her surprise. “Indeed. I believe it was at Oxford. You’d tutored me through a particularly brutal exam in Classic Greek Literature. Being a penniless student far from home, i had no way to show my thanks by taking you to dinner or the theater. I happened to find Kalamos, in the original Greek, at the bottom of a pile in a dusty little used-bookseller’s hovel. It seemed meant to be.”  
  
He smiled at her, then turned his attention to the wine in his glass, twisting the stem so the liquid swirled and caught the light. He could feel Helen’s eyes on him, examining him, weighing him, trying to figure him out. She had said things could feel familiar. Did the story feel familiar? Was that why she had chosen that particular book from all that sat on the shelves around them? Did some unconscious part of her remember that young Nikola’s pipe had gone without tobacco for a month for the expense of that book, however small it had been? How John had made snide comments about the low value of the gift, how John had shortly thereafter begun to gift her with books himself. Rare books, expensive books, given not in true appreciation for Helen and her mind or for the words on the paper themselves, but because that was the most expedient way to win her heart. They could have easily have been flowers or sweets for all the thought John put into his purchases. So long as they got him what he wanted.  
  
Nikola took a slow sip before meeting Helen’s eyes again. He waved an arm in a gesture encompassing the library.  
  
“There are a number of other gifts from myself here. There are a lot of birthdays and holidays in our past. Also whatever i found that i thought you might appreciate. To this day, you assume any books mysteriously mailed to you without return address come from me, even if i haven’t left the City in weeks.”  
  
She smiled at that but her face soon grew serious. She sat forward to put her wine glass down on the table between them and folded her hands in her lap. Her spine was straight and posture impeccable as she took a bracing breath. Where Helen strove for her composure, Nikola saw her bravery.  
  
“I have rather a lot to catch up on, don’t I?” Helen asked.  
  
He nodded. “150 years, give or take.”  
  
Helen exhaled slowly. 150 years. Will had mentioned her longevity only briefly. The woman in the mirror looked like she couldn’t be above 40, but her brain didn’t rebel at the idea. Frankly that fact, the fact that part of her seemed to just... accept this, was more bizarre than the idea of seeing so many decades.  
  
“How is that possible?” she asked.  
  
“Well,” Nikola cleared his throat and set his own glass down. “I will explain all, my dear. Its a rather long story and, I’m afraid, not always a pleasant one. But I will tell you the truth as I know it, and try to clarify anything you have questions on.”  
  
So Nikola told her of their past. Of the Five and the Source Blood and their personal experimentation with it. The effects it had on Helen in particular. It must sound like a fairy story to her. Or perhaps science fiction. Like something Mary Shelley might have written. But she didn’t contradict him on the physically impossible. Something in the truth spoke to her.  
  
He told her of the Sanctuary and the work Helen has done. Nikola was able to speak long on Helen’s dedication to peace and justice and acceptance for Abnormals. He’d had to endure no small number of passionate speeches on the subject; he could quote her favorite sentiments effortlessly. It made Helen glow with a humble pride to be told what noble work she was doing. What noble work with good people, it seemed, when Nikola told her more about Will, Henry, and Kate, about the Big Guy who didn’t seem to have a proper name, even some of the past members of the Sanctuary. He said she wouldn’t want her favorites forgotten, the only reason he mentioned those she would never meet again.  
  
Nikola had given her a quick sketch of the Five but had avoided too many personal details. Now he paused, hunting for anecdotes to share that wouldn’t provoke questions about the Five and what sundered them as a group, what the fallout had been. Helen was clever and would hear what he didn’t say as clearly as what he did. And he didn’t relish having to explain John’s betrayal or James’ death to her. At all, but especially so soon. He fell silent, picking up his wine glass again. It was a dreadful balance, telling her what she needed to know without overwhelming her.  
  
“What aren't you telling me?” Helen drilled him with that interrogative look she had so finely honed and apparently not forgotten.  
  
“My dear, you’ve been alive a long time.” Nikola pointed out. "There is a lot of your life to catch you up on.”  
  
“There’s something big, important. Something you should have told me before now. I can feel it, it feels…” she trailed off for a moment, unable to put words to it. It was so frustrating for everything to feel so achingly familiar yet strike absolutely no chords in her mind. “It feels like something is missing.”  
  
Nikola sucked in a breath, stunned, when he realized what she was searching for. It wasn’t Johnny at all. He set his glass down beside hers once more. He was surprised to even think it, but this was no time for wine.  
  
Had none of her little sycophants thought to tell her? Surely William, with all his self-proclaimed prowess with the human mind would realize this would come up. He ought to know how to handle it. Perhaps he thought it too soon? Maybe he was trying to ease Magnus into her life and had planned to tell her in time.  
  
But Will hadn’t told her, and she was asking now. And Nikola couldn’t bring himself to lie to the woman when she was not equipped to detect his duplicity. That was something he loved about Helen: her impeccable radar for his fibs. Of course it _infuriated_ him every time she caught him out but she was always so damned impressive about it he could never hold it against her. But this empty shell with her face… was wholly ignorant. And there was no fun in pulling a trick on a truly helpless soul, like some bully.  
  
So he braced himself to tell her the truth. Best it come from him, really. None of her little proteges could weather the storm if she turned on the bearer of bad news. No lasting harm in her shooting a messenger who had been shot by her before. Nikola sat forward, elbows propped on his knees and his fingers steepled. Helen regarded him steadily, waiting for him to speak, waiting for the truth. The truth he knew would hurt her. The truth he knew she would never want to forget.  
  
“You had a daughter.” His voice was low in the firelit room, deep but gentle.  
  
Nikola could practically see the thoughts whirling around in her head as she tried to process this information. She opened her mouth once or twice to speak but couldn’t seem to decide what to say.  
  
“Ashley.” Nikola added.  
  
Helen’s eyes went wide. The name felt… important. Right, but also wrong somehow. She couldn’t put her finger on it, or anything else about her life right now. Her eyes begged him to tell her more.  
  
“Ashley worked here with you in the Sanctuary,” he continued "helping you rescue vulnerable Abnormals or secure the dangerous ones. She was really a very gifted tracker. And very physical, very athletic. As brilliant in a fight as you are in a lab. She excelled at numerous martial arts and was a top marksman with every last weapon in your armory. ”  
  
Helen may not be able to consciously remember anything helpful but she hadn’t lost her subconscious skills. She could still read between the lines, between his use of the past tense and his stiff body language. There was reason he chose that, of all things, to say to introduce her daughter.  
  
“And none of that could save her.” Helen didn’t need to ask but she looked at Nikola for confirmation anyway. "She died because of... our work."  
  
Nikola nodded and dropped his head, glowering at the rug beneath his feet as he listened to her take a few shaky breaths. When he marshaled his courage again and replaced his unhappy scowl with something appropriately sympathetic, he looked up to see her eyes shining in the light. Helen’s beauty had shaken him from the first moment he had laid eyes on her. A response that had never dulled. Sometimes he would think he had grown accustomed to her face and, while it was very pleasing to behold, it wouldn’t prompt an emotional reaction in him anymore.  
  
But then the wind would toss her hair just so, or her voice would ring with passion for her cause, or the light would glint on her tears and suddenly he felt like a bumbling mortal youth again.  
  
But she was still the mighty Helen Magnus. Those tears that glowed in her eyes didn’t fall. Her elegant hands fisted tightly on her lap as her deep breaths became stronger. Helen blinked away the moisture and squared her shoulders, allowing herself a single undignified sniffle and a sigh. She started into the fire, gathering her composure.  
  
Finally she turned to him, braced to hear more. Gods, Nikola thought, she looked like she was facing a firing squad. Eminently brave, but knowing no good could come of the next few minutes. And he just couldn’t bear to kick her while she was down.  
  
“Grief is a heavy burden to bear, my dear. You needn’t learn all the ugly details tonight. They will only haunt your sleep. Leave them aside for now, until you are ready; i promise your daughter’s memory will not suffer for it.” He reached over and gently squeezed her hand, letting his fingers slip away when he sat back again. “Ashley would want you to heal before you reopen old wounds.”  
  
Helen hesitated a moment before nodding once. Her frame appeared tiny lost in the shadows cast by the fire that needed feeding and now it seemed to shrink further as the tension left her and her shoulders sagged a bit. She had been holding herself taut since she awoke days ago, braced for the constant onslaught of new information and wary of threats she wouldn’t know if they walked right up to her. Nikola had been very gentle with her, almost tender. She didn’t need her memories to see the care he handled her with.They both knew there was no gentle way to relate the horrors of her past.  
  
Nikola leaned forward and picked up her discarded wineglass. He wasn’t sure if she had managed a single sip before she’d set the glass down to wring her hands. It would help calm her now. He stood and offered it to her, keeping his palm extended for her free hand to help her from the divan.  
  
  
“Come. I’ll show you to your bedchamber so you can rest. There’s no need for you to stay in the infirmary any longer, you’ll be more comfortable in your own room. If you’d like a little light reading to help ease you into slumber, I can even tell you where you hide your diary. It should help remind you who you are.” Nikola released her hand, nodding at her to take a sip from her glass before he led the way into the hall.  
  
“You read my diary?” She asked as she followed him, shocked and offended but also unsure; she really didn’t know the circumstances behind anything in their… friendship. Helen sipped the wine while she tried to decide how she felt about the idea with no context to put the invasion of privacy into.  
  
“Much to my curiosity’s torment, no; you are rather too clever for me. The system that protects your hiding spot can detect a vampire’s presence and the rest of the Scooby gang has refused to assist me in retrieving it. I haven’t found a way around it… yet. You’ll be able to access it only after I retire from the room.” He said it with a distinct lack of chagrin. He was not in the least embarrassed to admit he had tried his best to access her private journal.  
  
She was silent a moment as she followed behind him through the halls.  
  
“And do you spend much time snooping about my room in general?” She asked. Over 100 years later no doubt privacy norms had changed. Perhaps best friends expected to share all secrets. Perhaps Nikola and herself were just that close. That didn’t seem likely but she couldn’t say why her intuition told her so.  
  
“Well, not so much as I would like, I must admit.” He tossed a mischievous smirk over his shoulder. She could tell he was being cheeky and applauded her instincts. "Enough time to find the diary but quite clearly not enough time to 'get the goods', as they say.”  
  
Helen had the good sense not to give him any room for innuendo concerning exactly which “goods” he hoped to attain in her bedchamber.  
  
  
  



	4. Chapter 4

When he had wished Helen a pleasant night and left her to her rest, Nikola went looking for answers.

He found Henry on the way out of his lab, intent on his own bed. Nikola stopped him with a finger jabbed into the younger man's chest. He prodded repeatedly until Henry had backed into the room once more.

"Tell me everything you know about what happened." Nikola demanded.

With a tired sigh, Henry sank into a chair. He scrubbed his face with his hands then ran his fingers through his already-unkempt hair. He hadn't been sleeping great since the mission and it was after midnight now. He'd spent the entire day glued to a screen, working feverishly to find a cure for Magnus. All he wanted was to fix her or, if that wasn't possible yet, at least a good four and half hours of sleep.

But Henry was feeling kinda guilty for not letting Tesla in the loop sooner, he knew the guy was totally hung up on Helen Magnus. So he told Tesla everything he knew about Helen's condition, starting at the very beginning with the pre-mission briefing. By the time Henry made it to the tests he'd been running when Nikola had called, he could barely speaking for yawning and the long hand of the clock had made another circuit around.

"Transfer all the data you have to me." When the young wolf stopped speaking, Nikola shoved his tablet across the lab bench to him. Henry didnt see a reason not to shrug and comply.

As soon as he had finished, Nikola grabbed it from him, muttering under his breath as he made observations on the limited information Henry had collected on the artifact.

When Henry made to try his exit again, heading for the door, Tesla didn't seem inclined to budge. He sat there tapping at the tablet that had just been loaded with a lot of inconclusive test results and readings that raised more questions than they answered.

"You gonna stay here all night?" Henry asked.

"No." Nikola said shortly in reply, not glancing up from the data he didn't want to be distracted from. "I'm sure I will visit the wine cellar at some point."

Henry was too exhausted to even point out the fact the scientist had his _own_ lab to work in. He left Tesla behind and went to bed.

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

The next morning Helen was to meet with Will officially. He’d asked to see her early if she felt up for it. Nikola had explained Will was a psychologist and it made sense he would want to speak to her. Indeed he was probably the best to see to her care, since they didn’t exactly have a neurologist on the team. Not that Nikola seemed impressed by the younger man’s status as a doctor regardless.

“Yes, we all thought Freud was brilliant for a time too.” Nikola had snorted. “Later I will tell you precisely why we were all wrong.”

Nikola had been outside her door that morning when she had exited, dressed and finished with her ablutions. Nikola announced he was there to escort her to the dining room so she wouldn’t get lost in the labyrinth of stone walls and Abnormal habitats. When Helen mentioned her appointment, he waved it off.

“Nonsense. Breakfast first. William can wait and I am certain he would agree with me.” And he would, Nikola thought, but only because Helen did need to keep her strength up. The vampire making the suggestion would otherwise be enough for Will to disagree with anything.

So they dined in full state, as directed by Nikola. Helen often took tea and fruit in the kitchens to start her workday, or tea and toast in the breakfast nook on the weekends. But Nikola enjoyed an elaborate feast and thought Helen belonged at the head of her impressive and underused table. It was laid only for two this morning but her Old Friend had created some rather impressive centerpieces with flowers from the more tropical and exotic habitats.

The furry one was happy to occupy his worried mind by preparing Helen’s favorite delicacies. He hadnt been able to bring himself to see Magnus yet. He understood her amnesia but knew his heart wouldn’t understand if his oldest friend was frightened of his appearance and shied away. He could wait until she was ready to meet him.

The meal was pleasant, with Nikola regaling her with hilarious stories. He wanted to dispel the cloud he had left her under last night and make sure she knew her life had been filled with joy as well as sorrow. Helen laughed herself helpless when he described her first time sampling kajmak. His storytelling was animated, with amusing imitations and expressions.

“Oh you thought yourself very clever and very quick, but i saw you spit it into your napkin when my back was turned and proceeded to lecture you long about propriety and table manners and the like.” Nikola related.

“Oh dear.” Helen chuckled as she wiped moisture from the corner of her eye. “I hope you weren’t offended at the time?”

“Not at all. In fact I was rather embarrassed that I, in all the time i had known you, had completely failed to noticed that you despise clotted cream. I never would have served you Kajmak otherwise.”

Helen glanced over the table now and noticed the absence of clotted cream. Her father had always taken it with scones and it had seemed ever-present at his table when she was a child. She smiled to realize that now she sat at her own table, and she could ban any food she disliked from ever being served on it. By all accounts, she was a rather powerful woman now, actually.

She sat a little straighter as she took a sip of her tea.

  
.x.x.x.x.x.

 

Her appointment with Will had started out rather poorly. His queries and platitudes sounded stilted and rehearsed, like he’d been googling “how to treat amnesia”. Thankfully Will took mercy on them both and proposed giving her a tour of the Sanctuary. He gave her a summary of the Sanctuary’s work and history, guiding her past the same habitats she had shown Will when he first arrived here. He was feeling a little amused by the role reversal and wondered if she felt half as amazed by the mermaid as he himself had.

While she was certainly appreciative of Sally, she didn’t seem particularly astounded. Not like he had been. In fact, her gaze turned assessing and in a very Magnus-y way, she pronounced her opinions. (In normal moments, a Magnus opinion was really a Magnus order when it came to her beloved Sanctuary and its residents)

“She looks hungry.” Helen remarked. She had been speaking really more to herself than to Will but he had heard, of course.

“All the residents are fed on a regular schedule.” he assured her. Magnus may not be able to remember she was the boss but Will couldn't forget and he wanted the whole ship running smoothly while she was… out of commission. Whatever you wanted to call it.

“You sound like a zookeeper." Helen mused, not entirely sure she approved. "And she still looks hungry.”

“Look Magnus, I promise you-“ Will made sure to speak in a calm and neutral manner. Amnesia victims reported a lot of anxiety caused by other people getting emotional over their inability to remember.

“Actually, she is right” Henry spoke up as he and Nikola arrived to join them.

“With all the excitement” Henry gestured vaguely to Helen “Big Guy got a late start on his rounds.”

When Helen frowned, Henry rushed on, wary of disappointing her even when she couldn’t possibly remember when lunch time was. Of course, her empathic bond with Sally could be alerting her to the finned woman’s hunger.

“He and Kate are on it, and they even whipped up some special treats for anyone who had to wait. Don’t worry, Doc, we’ve got it covered.” his smile was wide with reassurance before he scampered off to personally assist with lunch detail. Just to help speed things along.

“Doc?” Helen turned to Nikola, distracted from her concerns for a moment. “As in Doctor?”

Nikola nodded and Helen beamed a radiant smile. So carefree, not shadowed by grief. Nikola started to wonder if this temporary reprieve from her normal lifestyle might be beneficial to her stress level.

“I did it? They let me practice medicine?” her voice was wondering, excited, proud, disbelieving all at once.

Nikola recalled that struggle from their youth. That no one believed a woman could attain the skills to be a competent doctor had infuriated Helen. He remembered her storming around his lab, ranting about backwards small-minded men who kept her from helping others. She was glorious when she was in a rage, even back then. If he closed his eyes, he could almost hear the swish of the long skirts she had worn in those days, rustling with each furious step as she paced back and forth before him. Her color had been high and her bosom had heaved with each indignant breath and Nikola had spent the next century annoying her just so he could see that beautiful fiery anger again and again.

“To say they LET you would do a disservice to yourself, Helen. You didn’t give them a choice. You attended their lectures and called out their asinine mistakes. You burst into their surgeries and corrected their erroneous treatments right in front of their patients. You lured their patients away from them and even convinced their own wives that a woman could treat a woman better than a man.”

Her eyes went wide. It sounded very forward of her. She had never worried about her reputation overmuch but women simply were not allowed to behave in such a way. At least they didn’t used to be…

“They all LOATHED you, my dear.” Nikola smirked, knowing Helen, at least a Helen in full possession of the facts, would delight in that. “Of course they were perfectly polite to your face. Your father was very influential, and they didn’t want to lose their reputation as gentlemen. But many a medical practitioner of the day cursed your name over a glass at White’s. But you were simply too good at being a doctor for anyone to stop you.”

Helen glowed with pride. She had always known she could do it. Not a hundred narrow minds had ever made her doubt that she was capable of saving lives. Nikola devoured her with his eyes. Gorgeous in her anger and radiant in her joys, a hundred lifetimes couldn’t be enough to dull his appreciation of her.

She was full of questions, bursting with curiosity, but she didn’t know where to begin. 150 years. How many lives she must have saved! How many thousands of people had she been able to help?

Nikola stepped beside her, insinuating himself between her and Will. He cocked an elbow, delighted when she settled her hand on his arm and he led her off away from her young protégé.

“You studied at Oxford, though the bulk of your true education came from your travels. After your father was hospitalized- Oh, just a minor ailment, my dear, nothing to be concerned about.” He hastened to assure her when she came to a stop in shock. With a gentle nudge from his elbow he set them in motion again. “But afterwards you were very cautious with his health and insisted on accompanying him. Actually, you insisted he stop traveling and and stay home to take a great deal more rest, but your father was ever as stubborn as you. Finally you reached the compromise that if he was to travel, you would go with to care for him.”

This seemed right to Helen. She had always resented her father leaving her behind. As a child his vague explanations had never been enough to justify his frequent absence from her life.

“You researched medicines and surgical techniques everywhere you went. Even holistic methods and homeopathy. You sought out yogis and gurus and even mystical tribal shamasel, learned everything you could about ‘magical' elixirs, transcendental meditation, spells and hexes. Even when you thought them to be complete codswallop, that insatiable curiosity of yours drove you. And my dear, you have a rare talent for finding things.”

Will shook his head as the two immortals disappeared, arm in arm, Helen’s chuckle the last sound he could distinguish as they left. He’d feel a lot better about this if he could prove or disprove Tesla’s stories about Magnus’ personal history.

 

 


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AN- added a small moment between Nikola and Henry that was missing at the beginning of chapter 4

Helen was actually trying to confirm her personal history herself. She had no reason to doubt anything she had been told but she felt such a drive to seek the truth for herself. Nikola’s suggestion of reading her diary seemed an excellent place to begin. And indeed it was very informative and things felt familiar in the haziest of ways. Naturally, she didn't remember the names and places, but a lot could be figure out from context and gut instinct. What she was still unsure about, she approached the best source of information she could think of.  
  
It was late, most everyone had retired to their rooms, some in dreamland by now. But she knew she wasn't the only one still awake and somehow she knew her late night companion was Nikola himself. His presence filled the library despite his motionless pose reclined on the divan, a book abandoned open on his knee. He was staring into the fire, taking periodic sips of wine.  
  
At her approach he stirred himself to smile pleasantly at her.  
  
“Can’t sleep, my dear?” he asked, gazing up at her. His normally pale skin seemed to glow amber in the light of the flickering flames.  
  
“Actually i was doing a bit of reading, at your suggestion. Only i can’t figure out this entry. I wondered if you could read it and tell me what the devil I was talking about?” she offered the volume to him, a finger poised on the date of the entry in question  
  
Nikola sat up fully, setting his wine glass aside with nary a pang of reluctance. To get his hands on the innermost secrets of Helen Magnus? For that he would suffer far worse than a momentary thirst. He took the large book (leather-bound of course, nothing but the best for Helen) settling it in his lap and sliding his fingers over the open pages. As if he couldn’t believe it was finally in his grasp.  
  
She had always kept a journal and he’d always tried to sneak a peek at it back in their school days. But only halfheartedly, playfully. It had only became an obsession when his life was full of her, when he had told her he loved her and was maddened to find he couldn't glean how she really felt in return. The mystery taunted him back into her life, and back to her diary’s hiding spot, again and again. And now he held the clue that could crack the whole matter wide open.  
  
 But his fingers twitched before fisting tightly and he couldn’t bring himself to look past his hands to the words on the page.  
  
No, Helen would surely make good on her threats to shoot him if he read her private thoughts without permission. Despite the fact the woman herself had handed him the book, he couldn’t know that Helen, the real Helen - Helen when she was truly herself, would want him to know any of this. In fact, the elaborate security measures she had taken rather hinted the contrary, that she wanted no one to read her journal, least of all one particular vampire.  
  
The damage would be done, of course. She could be as furious with him as she liked, but she wouldn’t be able to take the knowledge away from him. Nikola would forever know things she hadn’t told anyone before, would know her dreams and nightmares. She couldn’t make him unknow her. Oh, but she could push his away, so far away he wouldn’t have the least chance to use the information he had gained. Rather than allowing Nikola to insinuate himself further into her good graces, Helen would don that fetching-but-unfriendly Ice Queen demeanor and freeze him out for gods knew how long.  
  
Immortality meant he had plenty of time. It did not mean he had plenty of patience. He wasn't interested in backtracking now.  
  
“No, dear friend,” he passed the book back to her without meeting her eyes. “I offer whatever general factualities i can provide, but i wouldn’t venture to try to speak on your private thoughts. I can't tell you what to think or feel about your past. And you can't tell me how you would feel about me having this information.”  
  
Helen frowned at him and for a moment Nikola regretted everything. She was offering to share herself with him, perhaps not in the highly entertaining and sinful ways he had been hoping for for 2 lifetimes but intimate nonetheless. It wasn’t meant to be a rejection of herself, did she take it as one?

Without her usual guard up, she was damnably hard to read. Her expressions of annoyance he could interpret perfectly, but not this soft look that almost bespoke a blossoming trust, of all things.    
  
“‘Factualities’ is not a word, Nikola.” Helen spoke and the correction was so familiar, so her. “You mean ‘facts’ or perhaps ‘actualities’.”  
  
Nikola sat back and retrieved his wine, tipping the glass towards her in acknowledgement and lifting it to take a sip. Back in their early acquaintance, Helen Magnus had been the only one he would allow to correct his English. Other Brits were so damned priggish about the Queen’s English, he couldn’t bear the condescension. He had worked hard on his English to fit in at Oxford only to find anything less than perfection and a posh native accent was all it took to relegate him to a second class citizen. In fits of pique, he spoke with a heavier Serbian accent than he actually possessed, just to discomfit the snobs. Helen had never patronized him, never so much as smiled at him for mispronouncing a word he had only seen printed in his texts and never heard spoken.  
  
“Perhaps instead of my diary I should provide you with a dictionary?” Helen said.  
  
And she had always lightened the moment with a joke before his young self could feel embarrassed.  
  
It was a very gentle tease compared to Helen’s usual outrageous treatment of him, but the half-hidden smile of mischief on her lips made him swallow his wine quickly so he could return it.  
  
“Touche, Helen.”  
  


 

 

* * *

 

 

 

A pattern was established.

Helen would break her fast with Nikola. The others joined them as they learned there was a sumptuous breakfast on offer. Henry and Kate devoured the food so quickly, it barely had time to touch their plates. Kate in particular ate half the pastries and Helen made sure to grab her favorites before the young woman made it to the table. Will just grabbed coffee and a muffin on his way though, telling Helen he would see her when she was done.

For after the meal she kept up regular appointments to speak with him. She appreciated the wisdom of them she supposed. Talking things out, repeating things aloud, helped cement the new memories and make them feel more real. But sometimes she rather felt like she was humoring Will. Perhaps their talks were more beneficial for his worried mind than they were for her personal recovery.

He ended each session with a walk, showing her more of the Sanctuary before leaving her to bond with one of the Sanctuary staff or even the residents. Will encouraged her to spend time with the others; at times Helen felt as if she was being passed around a succession of babysitters. Other times, she quite enjoyed bonding with new old friends.

When Helen grew weary or hungry or bored, Nikola seemed to sense it somehow. He always turned up looking for her just when she hoped he would. Ready to whisk her away to hear more stories, discuss the last century of scientific advancements, or just walk the grounds in companionable silence.

But he never appeared before she was ready. He didn’t intrude while she was still communing with Sally. Nor did he seem to think it wise to show his face when Kate brought Helen to the shooting range in the lower levels for a bit of target practice.

The gun didn’t feel out of place in her hand but Helen was glad she was only aiming at a circle on paper. Both women squeezed their triggers until their magazines emptied. Kate had consistently good aim, all shots landing near the center of her targets. Helen's first few shots were shaky but by the end of her first clip, she was drilling the bullseye with every shot. Kate was starting to wonder if the bullets were even hitting the paper anymore, or just threading the needle by whizzing through the existing bullet-holes.

“May I ask you a personal question?” Helen said, watching Kate closely and following her example in changing the clip to reload her weapon.

Kate looked up from her gun with a frown.

“That is, its personal to me rather than you.” Helen elaborated.

“Um.” Whatever that meant, Kate thought. But Will had said they should answer any of Helen’s questions to help her remember. “Sure. What’s up?”

“Well… that is, I wondered…” This felt awkward and Helen didn’t really care for the feeling. “What is the nature of my relationship to Nikola?” she forced out.

It wasn’t the first time she had tried to get an answer to that. Though she had asked _around_ the question with the others. Will and Henry apparently found the matter awkward as well, giving her vague answers and refusing to define the term “frenemy” to her satisfaction. But Kate seemed a no-nonsense sort of person and Helen was willing to use that to her advantage.

“Um.” Kate said again.

 _Geez, ask the tough questions why don’t ya, Doc?_ she was thinking internally.

“You’re friends. Old friends.” Kate stated the obvious. Helen nodded, that much had been established already. “I mean, you’ve had your disagreements and rough spots, even fell out of contact for a few decades here and there. But you two always come running to save each other and seem to really enjoy each other’s company. You’re friends.”

“Close friends?”

“Maybe best friends. I mean you guys kinda argue a lot for what I’d consider a bff but that's me. And a century of friendship counts for a lot. You two have very similar tastes, never seem to run out of random topics to talk about.. Also there's that freaky way you guys seem to read each other’s minds just by making eye contact, like you already know what the other is going to say before they speak.” Practically finishing each other’s sentences when they did speak. It was kinda gross sometimes.

“ _Very_ close, then.” Helen mused.

How did she ask if there was anything more without sounding interested in the idea? Really, she just wanted to know her own past. Their past. The history between them must surely affect how she interacts with him. She would act very differently towards a man she had been intimate with than she would towards an almost brotherly friend, after all.

But Kate was perceptive as well. She may not be able to read her boss as well as Tesla could but she was no slouch.

“I think there’s been times when you weren’t friends.” Kate shrugged to express that she was primarily guessing. “When you weren’t in touch, or one of you thought the other was dead, or he did something stupid. I don’t know if there was ever a time when you were more than friends. We all have our own theories on that but neither of you has ever confirmed or denied if all that repressed sexual tension ever led to anything.”

Helen hid a blush at Kate’s frank examination of the situation between herself and Nikola by turning back to the target and raising her reloaded weapon. So there _was_ something there, she thought as she fired a round. Nothing acknowledged, at least not publicly, but some unspoken thing. Something obvious to the people around them even. Now she had some idea why things felt different with him.

 


	6. Chapter 6

Helen did eventually ask after the names and places in that confusing diary entry, and others as well, without hinting at the contents. At times she asked Will for corroboration, though there was far less that he could confirm or deny for her. He did show her how to access the Sanctuary database and how to search by keyword. She spent hours plugging names into it learning what she had done, where she had been, who she had known. It seemed most of the people who had witnessed her adventures were dead by now. Not always because she had left them behind in her longevity.   
  
She continued her morning sessions with Will, talking through her feelings about the things she learned of her past. He encouraged her to discuss what she learned so others could add what they knew, answer her questions, or confirm those suspicions and intuitions that made them all hopeful that her memory was trickling back.   
  
But it was all emotion, no details. Names were meaningless until the associations were explained to her. She remembered general facts but not information personal to her life.   
  
Nikola’s name naturally came up frequently in their talks. He was, after all, the best source of information on her past. He spent hours telling her stories and answering her questions. When she grew restless with sipping tea (or wine) and chatting, he even gently guided her through her own lab. He’d said nothing the first time, hanging back to see if her research rang any bells. But when it didn’t, he stepped in to steer her towards work she could easily complete by muscle memory and common sense. It helped her feel a tad less useless, helpless. She couldn't do anything that would further any experiments she couldn’t remember she was running, but she could manage some more mundane tasks that would be of general use to the lab.    
  
In one therapy session, Helen mentioned her worries of ruined experiments. She didn't even know what sort of observations to record. It seemed likely that every project would have to be scrapped and started anew. A gap of several weeks in the observational data did not give anything strong scientific credence. Will reassured her that Henry and Biggie were keeping an eye on Helen's lab for her. She left with assurances that one of the other men would return her research notes they had borrowed to make sure they knew what they were doing. Helen was quite glad she was a scientist; her habit of writing everything down was immeasurably valuable right now.  
  


 

* * *

 

 

  
  
Watching the vampire accost Helen outside of her office after her latest appoint, Will was worried about the way Nikola seemed to be doting on Helen. Tesla always had an angle. Him trying to get close to Magnus certainly wasn’t new behavior, but when she didn’t even know why she should be wary of the vampire’s charms Will couldn’t help but feel protective of her. He went looking for Will and Kate so he could voice his concerns. But he found his worry unmatched.  
  
“I get what you are saying, Will, but honestly I haven't seen anything to worry about. Looks like he is being a gentleman for once.” Henry  said.

Henry was worried enough about Magnus as things stood. He didn’t need Will shaking the small faith Henry put in Nikola to look out for the woman who had raised the HAP like a son. It would only distract him from his tests on the artifact. Besides Tesla may be an asshole, but he wasn't a complete sociopath. Nikola Tesla cared about Helen Magnus and Henry suspected he cared enough to put a lot of effort into keeping Helen healthy and happy.   
  
“Don’t tell me you haven’t noticed he’s barely even flirting with her." Kate spoke up "I mean, _I’ve_ gotten worse from him in the past and I’m definitely not his type. I mean, sure he is still charming and all, but he hasn’t been inappropriate once.”

Kate regarded Will, wondering how much of this was the protective protege and how much was the man with feelings for his immortal boss. Will had never seemed especially hung up on Magnus, but the woman had a way about her. All the other immortal men vied for her, mortal dudes didn’t stand a chance.   
  
“And frankly, and far more damning,” she continued, "I haven’t seen him touch a glass of wine in a good couple of days. Which for Vlad is extreme.”  
  
“Hey, yeah. I haven’t had to clear an empty bottle out of my lab since probably Tuesday.” Henry agreed. He had been too stressed out to notice. Man, Tesla must really be worried too, he realized   
  
“I think he’s trying to impress her.” Kate said as she leaned forward on her elbows, smug and sure. “Be on his best behavior and all that.”  
  
“Its all just an act.” Will asserted, ready to believe the worst of Tesla’s intentions. “He’s not lying to her outright, but by not showing his true self he is lying by omission. We already know he's a danger to her, he's tried to kill her once before - that we know of. And now she doesn't even know what to be wary of. We’d better watch out for her.”   
  
His face was brooding as he left to return to his office.  
  
Henry and Kate shared a look.

"Do you think Tesla has some sort of devious plan?" Henry asked Kate for reassurance.

"Always." Kate snorted, but stepped closer to Henry to give him a pat on the shoulder. "But I don't think it has anything to do with her. Whatever plans he had in the works, I think he'd put them on hold to deal with this...

I think nothing in this world is more important to Tesla than Helen Magnus."


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> in honor of Teslen Appreciation Week on tumblr i decided to kick myself in the butt and try to finish this story i got distracted from two or three new-fandom-fixations ago. This is just a small scene but the next chapter is on its way soon, hopefully later tonight. I just couldn't figure out where to fit this scene in and trying to figure it out was stalling the writing process.

Helen realized she was not alone the moment she entered the room. The Big Guy was there with a cleaning cloth and she caught the scent of the beeswax furniture polish. He had spun to face the bookshelves when she had entered, running his cloth over wood that already gleamed. Though of impressive stature from behind, and rather hairy, he wasn’t abnormal looking enough to be frightening. As if _she_ would be frightened, no matter what the circumstances. New and different things had always fascinated her. Besides, she had seen any number of ‘new and different’ creatures in the Sanctuary already.  
  
Helen approached and laid a gentle hand on his arm for his attention. He turned slowly, looking more timid than a being of his size had any need to. She had learned she could be very intimidating at times, but for all that she knew he wasn't frightened of her. He was scared of her reaction to him.  
  
“I’m told you are the genius behind those fabulous tarts i overindulge in at breakfast each day?” she said pleasantly, her accent a charming lilt.  
  
He only nodded in response.  
  
“I wanted to thank you for them. They are the most wonderful thing I can remember ever tasting.”  Helen’s mouth curved upward as she made a small joke at her own expense.  
  
Big Guy grunted a laugh and gave her his best approximation of a grin.   
  
“Forgive me, I didn't mean to interrupt your work.” Helen gave him a full friendly smile as she excused herself. “Good day.”  
  
She pondered the exchange as she made to leave, quite forgetting why she had come into the library to begin with. She had been assured she was very good friends with the man, yet she hadn't been able to draw a word from him.

Until she hit the door.  
  
“Magnus.”   
  
His rough deep voice halted her at the door and she turned to him.   
  
“Tea?” He asked hesitantly, gesturing to the tea tray on the table near the fire.  
  
Helen smiled, hearing the desire for connection and companionship behind his offer.   
  
“Tea would be lovely.” She strode back and linked her arm with his, leading them to the sofa by the fireplace. “Will you tell me about our friendship?” she asked.  
  
Biggie reached for the teapot but was waved to a seat in an arm chair. He settled in and Helen began to prepare the tea while he started the story on the first day they had met.


	8. Chapter 8

Will was on a video call trying to reassure Declan McCrae that the Sanctuary was under control despite the fact that Declan hadn't heard from Magnus in a while, long enough to get suspicious. All the necessary reports were being filed so it wasn’t as if the Sanctuary had gone silent. But Declan was observant and had noticed that most of the paperwork coming out of there had Will’s signature instead of Helen's. Declan knew she was grooming Will to head another Sanctuary at the very least, if not actually take over her own duties some day. But Declan also knew that Helen Magnus was a incurable workaholic with a control freak’s need to have her finger on the pulse of everything.  
  
He and Helen usually spoke once a week as a general way to touch base and keep each other updated on their respective Sanctuaries. On occasions when no pressing matters were attending them, they often socialized after business had been attended to, staying on the line to chat casually. She usually called him just as he began his day and he had come to think of these regular conversations as ‘having breakfast with Magnus’. They would video-call while he fortified himself with whatever he found in his Sanctuary’s kitchen that morning. Magnus would sip her tea, he suspected more to keep him company in breaking his fast than because she was in need of a late night tea break. It was a reassuring routine.  
  
Now he hadn’t heard from her in days, not even on official business, and every time he tried to reach her he got the runaround from Will or Henry. Today he was determined not to get off the line until he had spoken with her. A fact he made plain to Will who was doing a terrible job at extricating himself from the conversation or his boss from suspicion.  
  
“Its going to be a little tricky to get you in touch with her right now, Declan.” Will was hedging. He didn’t have a believable lie prepared and there was no hope McCrae wouldn’t sense an off-the-cuff falsehood.  
  
“Where is she, Zimmerman?” Declan glared as he demanded to know why Magnus couldn’t speak to him.  
  
Suddenly Will’s image on Declan’s computer was replaced by a pale face invading the frame. Sideways. As the camera refocused, Declan recognized Tesla. Behind him, he could hear Will trying to shoo Tesla away from the videocall. To no avail.  
  
“Helen is currently resting after what i assure you was a very enthusiastic and inventive ravishing. Poor woman, she is thoroughly exhausted.” Nikola announced with a smarmy smile. “Now do run along, McCrae, I’m sure Helen with get back to you when she is ready to deal with you.”  
  
Tesla’s face popped out of the frame again, leaving Will looking gobsmacked. His jaw dropped a moment before anger could take over for shock.  
  
“TESLA!” Will shouted, both outraged and embarrassed, barely remembering to end the call before he jumped up from his chair.  
  
Declan felt a bit gobsmacked himself and turned from his computer with a shake of his head. He was glad he wasn’t in the middle of that mess. Best give Helen some time to sort it out.  
  
“Is it true? That you-, that Helen…” Will couldn’t bring himself to say the words.  
  
Nikola didn’t confirm or deny, he didn't say a thing. He just stared Will down with his characteristic expression. That smug insufferable smirk that Will so hated. Tesla worked his last nerve every second of the day, but Will has really thought he’d seen the worst that Tesla had to show him. To take advantage of Magnus though, when she was so vulnerable. Will felt his rage begin to boil. He would summon Henry and Biggie and the three of them would find some way to subdue Tesla so he couldn't hurt anyone else. As much as he wanted to kick Tesla out and never see him again, the man was capable of finding a way back in. Sanctuary defenses were good, but they were not impenetrable. And Will couldn't risk letting a sociopath like that hurt anyone else.  
  
“I  knew you couldn’t be trusted! I should have locked you up before you could even speak to her, let alone lay a finger on her!” Will’s voice was dark with hate as he stalked towards Tesla. His hands clenched and unclenched into tight fists but he knew trying to strangle a vampire was not a fight he was going to win.  
  
“Who is laying their fingers on me?” Helen’s voice interrupted suddenly from the door, bringing Will to halt on the rug in front of Helen’s desk.  
  
 She stood in the doorway a file in hand, open so she could peruse it as she wandered the halls learning the layout of the building. Her hair was tied back, not a strand out of place, and the crease of her slacks immaculate. She look thoroughly _un_ ravished. She also looked a touch reluctant to interrupt what was obviously an argument as she stepped through the doorway, but at heart Helen really was a peacemaker. She wanted to bring people (and Abnormals) together to live in peace not strife. She couldn't know it but this wouldn’t be the first time she had jumped between Will and Tesla when they battled with words. She never worried about what the argument stemmed from. She strode right on in to settle the issue before anyone got hurt.  
  
“Ah, Helen my dear! Just who I was seeking.” Nikola deflected nicely, changing the subject with smooth polish. “I wish to show you all my best inventions. You've always had such appreciation for my work and now your wonder at my genius will be so fresh and new. I simply can’t resist the opportunity for you to feed my poor starving ego with your praise.”  
  
Nikola gave such an outrageous grin that Helen had to bite back a smile at the silly bantering man. He really was terribly amusing and it charmed her.  
  
“You wish to show me _all_ your most brilliant inventions?” Helen asked with a straight face.  
  
Nikola nodded in confirmation.  
  
“Very well. I certainly have the 5 minutes to spare.” Helen gave a tiny smile as she zinged him.  
  
Nikola couldn’t restrain a bark of laughter. Ho-ho, she had scored one on him. It appeared nothing would dull that sharp wit he so relished. He gestured her to precede him from the office. While she led the way out, he leaned in to speak quietly to Will.  
  
“Maintain your calm, young Wilhelm. If you are going to be in charge, you’ll need to learn that a well-placed lie is often necessary when stalling for time.” he said.  
  
Nikola offered it as if it was friendly advice to someone who hadn’t just been on the verge of throttling him. His casual aplomb made Will grind his teeth. He had definitely enjoyed making Will uncomfortable both by letting him believe the lie and again when shattering his unflattering assumptions on Nikola’s integrity. Tesla had enjoyed toying with him only too much.  
  
Nikola however definitely did not enjoy the knowledge that Helen’s protege thought Nikola capable of absolutely anything when it came to hurting and manipulating Helen. He had practically worshiped the woman for over a century, and Zimmerman thought him incapable of being a gentleman? If such unsavory business was all Nikola wanted from Helen, well... he’d seen her overindulge in wine enough times (and one time in particularly excellent scotch) to have been faced with dubious temptations before. No amount of lust had ever made him consider it, but how many thought him capable of it? Did her entire team think him a lecher? Did Helen think he had the potential to be so monstrous?  
  
Nikola caught up to her in the hall where she had paused to wait for him to take the lead since she didn't know where to go. He realized now why Will had left Nikola’s lab off the tour. He had been determined to keep Helen away from Nikola from the first, convinced Helen was vulnerable to the vampire’s influence.  
  
“What was that about?” Helen asked him directly when he joined her.  
  
The manners learned at the knee of her mother and various nannies and governesses screamed that it was terribly invasive to ask. But everything else within her rebelled at the thought of such things with this man. Society manners were a sort of artifice really, a persona put on to make one more acceptable to others. But nothing about Nikola hinted that she needed to behave a certain way to retain his respect, least of all behave 'like a lady'. In fact, he seemed to delight in telling her stories that highlighted "what a hellion she is" as he had put it.  
  
Nikola was still determined not to lie to her if he could help it. He would have enough to answer for when Helen’s memories returned. He had spent the last century answering to her for one offense or another. So he answered her question.  
  
“The fact of the matter is, Helen, that your counterpart at the London Sanctuary is getting rather antsy about your silence. You inspire such adoration in men, darling, that he simply can’t bear not speaking with you.” He said. Nikola was now being facetious again, clearly, Helen had learned quickly that hyperbole was one of his favorite things. “If we reported your missing memories, he would insist upon coming in to oversee things. If word got around the Sanctuary Network, everything about your operations could be called into question. Rather than bring that down on our heads, I’m afraid i had to tell a rather scandalous falsehood that young Wilhelm took offense to.”  
  
“What falsehood did you tell exactly?” she asked, already suspicious. Helen could only imagine what such a flirtatious man might term ‘scandalous’  
  
He didn’t answer but Helen could insinuate quite well from the overly lustful grin he shot her. Her suspicions were confirmed when he waggled his eyebrows at her in the most absurd way. If it weren’t indeed scandalous, his over-the-top manner might have made her laugh. But this was no laughing matter.  
  
Helen gasped in outrage. “How dare you! These are my colleagues! Why, they might be thinking the worst of me now!”  
  
“But my dear, your reputation is unassailable, i assure you.” Nikola dropped his playful leer quickly and set to assuaging her. “The name Helen Magnus is respected near and far. No one who has worked with you could ever doubt your abilities or professionalism. You could go on a mission wearing sackcloth and ashes, speaking in limericks and all your underlings would assume you had perfectly legitimate and scientific reasons for doing so. In fact, they would be heartbroken if you were unable to find a rhyme.”  
  
Helen found herself smiling reluctantly with a rueful shake of her head.

She did manage to suppress a chuckle because she really _was_ irritated that he would speak about her in such a manner. Even if the story had been true, she would be furious with any man for kissing and telling. Boasting about an affair was no behavior for a gentleman. But Nikola had done nothing else to offend her, that she was aware of at any rate. His motivation appeared sound even if his course of action was poorly chosen. And it seemed every word he spoke was designed to assist her, to amuse or please or comfort her, to aid her. Nikola seemed devoted entirely to setting Helen at ease by making her smile whenever she required it.  
  
“I still don’t approve.” she warned him.  
  
“Yes, well, I rather didn’t expect you would thank me for that one.” Nikola admitted. "However crude, it was effective and we have more time for your recovery.”  
  
Nikola offered his arm and she took it, letting him lead her to his lab. As they made their way through the Sanctuary he chattered about the various inventions he wanted to show her but she tuned it out. She was sure she would get to see them all, explained in greater depth, very shortly. Instead she was wondering how long her recovery might take. Helen hadn’t realized there might be a sort of ticking clock on her return to normalcy. The Sanctuary staff -her staff- were apparently coping admriably but how long until this McCrae fellow came knocking? Suppose it took a while for her memories to come back?  
  
Suppose they never did? With no way of knowing what she would or would not subconsciously remember, none of her skills or knowledge could be trusted until tested. It would make her a dangerous liability in this line of work. She supposed there were plenty of ways to be useful in the Sanctuary if she couldn’t go back to her field work, yet she chafed at the idea of filing lab reports or delivering room service to the Abnormal residents. Where was the adventure in that?  
  
There was nothing to be done about it though, until or unless her memories returned. Till then they had to muddle through somehow. So, she decided logically, they would address the most immediate problem. Namely that of a Declan McCrae.  
  
  
“Is he a threat?” she asked the man beside her.  
  
“Hmm?” Nikola had paused to wrack his brain for more example of his genius to display for her. He had to think for a moment before he remembered their previous topic, but then he snorted at the very idea of Declan McCrae going up against Helen Magnus. He wasn’t a bad sort, really, but there was simply no comparison. “A threat to _you_? Not even if he wanted to be. Rest easy on that score, Helen. McCrae wants a promotion, not to harm you. As far as I have been informed, you interactions with him are civil and cooperative.”  
  
“Besides,” He turned to her, halting them in front of the door to his suite of research facilities and taking her hands in his.  
  
Nikola was now rather hypocritically glad the big hairy one had invaded his personal space to address the worst of the mess inside the lab. Gone was the plethora of wine bottles, and dirty cravats that had been unknotted and discarded heedlessly at 3am. She couldn’t remember the mess that had been his dormitory at Oxford, but he would bet her fastidiousness was a trait she carried with her from the womb.  
  
“You are not without protection.” He assured her "This madhouse is full of beings that would defend you.”  
  
He settled for rubbing gentle circles over the back of her hands because he certainly couldn’t impart the entire truth. That he himself needed no encouragement to fight for her. That he would kill for her, die for her. That indeed he has done both of those things in the course of their many years. Because he loved her.  
  
Normally she could handle that, she would smile, roll her eyes and return a riposte so clever it would ease the sting of her rejection to an offer she didn’t see as sincere. But Helen now would have little reason to doubt his sincerity. If such a passionate declaration didn’t complete overwhelm her, she might see straight through his bluster to the heart of him. And the idea of her taking him seriously for once was suddenly terrifying.  
  
So he dropped her hands, turning to key his code into the security panel and tap the door release. Then he stepped forward and extended his arms with the flare of a ringmaster as the heavy double doors of his lab swung open grandly to admit them. It would have been more theatrical for a gong to sound or ‘Princes of the Universe’ to play as they entered, but one works with what one has available.  



	9. Chapter 9

  
It took more than 5 minutes to see everything that Nikola deemed worthy of showing her. Helen was realizing what an astoundingly brilliant man he truly was.  
  
“Does all this” she swept a hand over the lab bench overcrowded with  devices abandoned when he had finished demonstrating them, “come from your transformation by the Source blood?”  
  
“I will have you know my mind is the original article,” he said, pretending to be offended. “I was a scientist long before the Source Blood, which awakened my dormant _Vampiris_ genes.”  
  
  
“What does that mean?” she asked, and he knew she wasn't asking him to translate the word or the concept as he had when he told her of the Source Blood experiments. Helen wanted to know what it actually _meant_.  
  
Nikola knew it likely had to happen at some point and as he usually only let himself vamp out in moments of defense  this was probably a better setting to introduce her to that side of him, without mortal danger involved. He took a few steps back from her and the table. He bowed his head for a moment and cleared his throat before he made the transition.  
  
When he looked up his eyes were a deep demonic black. His facial features had shifted to accommodate a mass of sharp teeth. To the relief of a concern Nikola had refused to acknowledge he had, she didn’t fear him like this. Instead of backing away, she stepped closer to have a better look. Ever the scientist, endlessly curious.  
  
The eyes did take some getting used to, Helen decided. It wasn't even a deep inky black you could sink into. More a hard, brittle black, with sharp shards that cut into you. Rather like his rapier wit, she thought irrelevantly. The change to the arrangement of his features made it hard to read his expression and for half  a moment she thought his eyebrows were knit because he was glaring at her. But it was a frown for another reason. And it was interfering with her observations of the change of his transformation.  
  
Without thought, Helen reached up and smoothed his brow with her fingers to make the creases go away. It worked because Nikola’s face slackened in astonishment. His jaw dropped and this turned Helen’s attention to his fangs. Her hand drifted down and he froze as she grazed one with a finger.  
  
Then she gasped and pulled back, cradling her hand where a bead of blood pooled on her on the tip of her forefinger.  
  
“That was a great deal sharper than i was expecting.” She apologized and offered a rueful chuckle.  
  
Nikola caught her hand in his, gently, minding his long claws and bent over it to inspect the damage. He swiped the blood aside with his thumb and saw the puncture was deep but small. After bleeding for a bit, it would clot and heal without a problem. Doctor Magnus would prescribe a cleansing of the wound and bandage. Nothing major, he assured her. But he was still miserable as his claws retracted and face shifted back to normal.  
  
Drawing blood from Helen was unforgivable.  
  
After Nikola had released her and stepped back once again she noticed him staring down at his own hand. It was smeared with blood from the wound, her blood. She wondered if it tempted him, if he hungered for blood, how he ate. The fangs she had seen could end her in the blink of an eye, tear her throat so savagely all the doctors in the world couldn't save her. Yet she hadn’t felt the least bit threatened by them. Her injury was her own fault and not the first time something she had gone poking at had poked back. The number of times she had been bitten by a snake as a child had given her parents palpitations.  
  
Nikola withdrew a handkerchief from his pocket and scrubbed the blood from his thumb. He turned back to her and wrapped a clean corner of it around her finger. She held it in place while Nikola surprised her by sweeping an arm to clear a corner of the table of instruments and inventions. He shoved them aside and paid no mind to the few that were crowded off the counter on the far side and fell with a clatter. He turned and placed his hands on her hips; before she could process what was happening she was sitting on the lab table where he had deposited her in the space he cleared.  
  
He stepped away for a moment to find the first aid kit. Helen realized there was more to being a vampire than pointy teeth and eyes like obsidian. He had lifted her with ease and a fluid speed. That thin lanky frame hid an Abnormal strength.  
  
Nikola returned and opened the kit, focusing on his work to avoid meeting her eyes.  
He swiped the alcohol pad over her finger. Helen didn’t flinch though it must sting, Nikola knew. He gently blew on the wound so the cool tickle of air would distract from the pain of the wound and the stinging bite of the alcohol. But then he himself was distracted when a tiny shiver rippled through Helen, drawing his eyes sharply to her face. In the second before she reacted to his gaze, he realized she had been studying him intently. What did she see there? Damned inscrutable woman.  
  
“So, you’re a natural born genius, you built all these incredible devices,” Helen lifted one at random from the table. “that i can’t imagine dreaming up, let alone actually inventing. You are also a vampire, possessed of fangs and claws and inhuman strength and i suspect a number of other attributes as well.”  
  
She shook her head, marveling at the man. There were many astounding Abnormals in the Sanctuary, but Nikola Tesla was an entity entirely unique.  
  
“Is there anything else i should know before I consider myself suitably impressed?.” She grinned at him, cheeky because she had never truly believed his ego to be underfed.  
  
Nikola smirked and reached out to take the invention she had used as an example from her grasp. Stepping back from where he stood between her knees, he gave a flourish and laid his other hand onto the device. Not on any of the buttons of dials, just on a nondescript panel of no importance. There was a faint hum as it came to life without any visible power source, lights coming on, mechanisms engaging. He took his hand away again and set the machine back down on the table. After a second it died again, lights fading as it whirred to a stop.  
  
Not content with that display, he stepped back again for more clearance and extend his hands, palms up, in Helen’s direction. Pausing to be certain he had her total attention, he then curled his fingers upward. Sparks and tiny arcs of lightning jumped between his fingertips, hissing and flashing and casting a faintly blue glow over Nikola. Helen watched in awe as the arcs of lightning grew and coalesced and began to dance back and forth between his outstretched hands. His shirt-sleeves were rolled up to the elbow, the muscles in his forearms were tense and corded as he harnessed the electricity. His normal unruly hair was standing on end now and he looked less like a vampire and more like a mad scientist.  
  
Nikola smothered the power down inside himself again, the glow died and the sparks stopped and his hands looked human again. He smiled at her speechless delight in his display. A few steps brought him back to his previous place in front of her, eye level as she sat on the counter-top. He reached out a hand and she watched it hesitate before he placed it on her forearm. His fingertips grazed the inside bend of her elbow before he trailed two digits gently, slowly down the length of her forearm.  
  
In the wake of his fingers, there was a path of skin left tingling. A bit more than a tickle, but less than a sting. It was a pleasant tingling, as if her skin had been reinvigorated and revived, and it made Helen smile.  
  
Until his touch reached her sensitive inner wrist. There the riot of sensation caused her to suck in a sudden breath and shudder delicately as the tingle seemed to work its way from her arm to her spine to race up and down.  
  
Nikola froze. He’d been drawing his hand back to his side but her reaction… His eyes were riveted to her face, now flushed, watching her expression for any sign her should stop. But his fingers were drifting back to their starting point. The crease where her elbow bent, the skin thin and delicate. Slowly he followed the path he had taken before, letting the light buzz of electricity flow from him to her.  
  
At the end of the second pass, she finally looked up at him. She didn’t stop him from making a third and this time he caught her hand at the end of it, swirling his thumb against the pulse point on her wrist. She looked down at their joined hands, then back up at him. But not into his eyes. Nikola was floored to realize she was looking at his mouth, his lips. He wanted nothing more than to duck in closer and taste hers.

 

In that instant he began to wonder if he was really the kind of monster William thought he was after all.

 

Before he discovered the answer to that question, his senses alerted him of someone approaching in the corridor. He stepped away and turned abruptly from Helen, who sat back upright on the counter. She hadn't even realized she had been leaning towards him. It seemed they had both moving closer without being conscious of it. Before he moved, Nikola had been standing between her knees, his body invading her personal space in a way Helen was surprised to find not unwelcome. She wasn't sure how to take the almost-moment that had just occurred, or his rejection of it.

A polite _ahem_ interrupted her confusion. Henry stood at the door waiting for Nikola's attention.

"Latest rounded of test results on the artifact, you wanted them ASAP." Henry brandished his tablet as he spoke, then gave Helen a friendly nod. "Hey, Doc."

She returned his greeting as Nikola crossed to the door to examine the results. Helen realized he must have heard Henry coming. So that was why he practically leapt away from her. After scolding him for damaging her reputation, he hadn't wanted her to be caught in a potentially compromising situation. He'd put space between them before Henry arrived so there wouldn't be any call for suspicion. It was rather respectful of him, especially as she was sure she had seen a desperate desire to kiss her written on his face.

Her mind spent the rest of the day wondering what might have happened if they hadn't been interrupted.

 


	10. Chapter 10

A few days later as Helen took her morning meal, she was starting to wonder if Nikola was avoiding her. Avoiding wasn't the right word though. They still spent time in each other's company. He was there, but he wasn't entirely _present_.

 

Nikola usually preferred to dominate the conversation at the breakfast table, considering his own wit to be the most enjoyable and entertaining. But now he smoothly deflected the conversation to others. Even asking the occasional question to prompt them to say more, though he didn't deign to pretend to be listening to their response. Mostly he lounged back in his chair; toying with his meal, brooding, and trying not to be too aware of Helen seated next to him.

 

Will had taken to joining them in recent mornings. He lingered over his coffee until Helen was finished so they could walk to his office together. No longer did Nikola escort her after breakfast and rarely did he join her when she was alone.

 

Helen had no chance to speak to him about his avoidance, whether it had anything to do with what had almost occurred in his lab. Even if that conversation wouldn't be a minefield due to the fact that she couldn’t remember anything, nothing had actually happened that day. What was there to say? If he was pulling away, there must be a reason.

 

It seemed Nikola had plenty of unwitting assistance in putting distance between them. Her appointments with Will seemed to drag longer each day. She found more of her time being occupied with learning Sanctuary tasks. Since she was mostly caught up on her personal life, they were focusing on reintegrating her into her professional life, in all aspects of the Sanctuary. Apparently starting with tasks in the wing farthest away from Tesla’s lab.

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

William needn’t have worried about Helen growing too close to Nikola without her memories to barricade the walls between them. The truth had a way of coming out.

 

While working her way through her most recent personal journals Helen discovered an entry she couldn't credit at first. She didn't want to believe Nikola had done something so terrible. But why would she lie in her own diary? Everything else had been factual, and now the vague tingle of familiarity her amnesia left her with had her skin crawling. She rushed to confront him in his lab.

 

“How could you?” she cried as soon as she cleared the door.

 

“Helen..?” his face, at first alight at the sight of her, fell in confusion.

 

“HOW COULD YOU? There are no answers written here; apparently I didn’t get the chance to ask the question then so I ask it now. How could you do that to me, Nikola?" she demanded. "And to conveniently leave it out of all your stories about our ‘adventures’, not even warning me what I was about to read!”

 

She was clutching the book to her chest. Nikola could tell it was another leather-bound journal, one of many in a set as Helen had lived long and had many adventures to record. His heart clenched when he deduced a written memory had upset her. Then dropped into his stomach as he realized he couldn’t begin to guess which incident she was referring to. He had done many despicable things in his extended life and Helen had fallen under the blow of far too many of them. Not always unintentionally.

 

To be honest he suppressed the memories where he could, full of gratitude that Helen had always chosen to do the same, more or less forgiving his past transgressions and not entirely withdrawing her friendship.

 

But this Helen wouldn’t remember why she had forgiven him. And Nikola couldn’t tell her because he had never understood why himself. Every time they parted ways, he assumed his bridges well and truly burnt, mere ashes on the wind. But inevitably he came back, crawling back or dragged back (on the rarest and most revered occasions, even invited) it mattered not, and she  would forgive him. Perhaps not immediately and perhaps not in words. But their friendship endured. They bantered, they reminisced, they flirted - well, he flirted; they faced dangers untold and hardships unnumbered together.

 

She was the nexus of his life. Like all roads once led to Rome, all his paths seemed to lead to Helen.

 

Who stood before him with betrayal on her face.

 

Nikola's posture of defeat was all the confirmation she needed that the man she had come to trust was not the innocently caring friend he had been presenting himself as. Suddenly she changed her mind, she couldn't bear to hear the explanation she had asked for. Whatever it was, it was probably awful and either way, she couldn’t trust a thing he said now.

 

So Helen turned and left. The fact that he didn’t chase after her, demanding to know what she was talking about, asking for a chance to explain himself, was more damning than the entry in her journal.

 

Nikola would never forget the disappointment, the disgust, manifest in Helen before she spun around and ran from the room. He had always assumed when he well and truly put Helen off him, it would be from saying too much of the wrong thing. But now everything was falling apart and he hadn’t managed one word to say in it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AN - I still feel like I'm missing a transition chapter before this one but it just wasn't coming to me and I'm so close to the end that i decided to charge ahead without it. I hope to add a few scenes sometime in the future when they decide to cooperate and write themselves. Seems like Nikola and Helen should have a conversation about John at some point. Maybe in Part II!


	11. Chapter 11

“My god, Helen” Nikola said aloud to himself, incredulous if not outright stunned. How could she have done such a thing? He was never going to let her live this one down.  
  
Nikola had been going over Helen’s research into the artifact tirelessly since the night she had confronted him. Prior to that, during the day he had made himself available to Helen whenever she wanted to talk about the past, needed minding in the lab or infirmary(she seemed to retain quite a lot of practical knowledge when it came to medicine, but she couldn’t give them answers when they asked her for particulars on any diagnoses), or when he deemed she needed a break for a bit of fun.  
  
And when Helen retired for the night, Nikola would go to his lab and stay there until dawn some nights. His vampire physiology made it easy to skip sleep for a night or two. Or six.  
  
When she had started to avoid him, he began spending all his time in the lab and the days had started to blur together. He was definitely starting to flag, however. He could feel how sluggishly his body moved but refused to stop until his thoughts slowed down as well. Only then would he sleep. And shower. Until he was no use to anyone, he would put his personal brilliance to the problem at hand.  
  
He had just decided with a sigh that it was back to square one. None of the avenues he had pursued were bringing him any closer. It was time to take a step back and try a different direction.  
  
If Helen were herself (and not furious with him), he could brainstorm and bounce ideas off her. Some of his most inspired ideas had come from a tiny nugget in the back of his brain formed by some chance point of conversation with her. He’d never dream of admitting it, some people might take the opportunity to doubt that Nikola was 100% of the reason for a new invention or technique or bit of scientific knowledge. But the truth was that Helen had been his muse since the day she came to Oxford.  
  
He painstakingly combed through her research notes twice before he noticed the discrepancy in translation. Then his sharp eyes examined the pictures of the original map and noticed symbols faded to near invisibility. It took time and another review of her notes to translate the text but when he did Nikola jumped to his feet when he realized what must have occurred. He didn’t have all the answers but if his suspicions were correct, the amnesia was reversible. Fighting his urge to tear out of the lab and find her immediately, he forced himself to reread the entire file. All the while pacing in agitation. He had to make sure he had it right. He couldn’t be wrong, not with Helen’s mind at stake. But everything seemed to check out.  
  
_Right then_ , he thought as he tossed the finished file on the table and marched out in search of Helen, _time to put an end to this_. For better or worse.  
  
  
By the time he found her, Nikola was annoyed again. From now on, he was going to call before he went tramping through the entire building looking for someone. So undignified, this rushing around. But he felt an odd need for haste. Like he needed to fix Helen before he lost his nerve. Which was ridiculous. He wanted Helen back, almost desperately so. But with the return of her memories would come a return of her true feelings for Nikola and he had never been able to sort out exactly what those feelings were.  
  
For better or worse, Helen must be Helen and Nikola must be instrumental in the return of her poor opinions of him.  
  
These thoughts had plagued him throughout his search, no matter how he tried to smother them. It had done his temper no favors and when he finally came upon Helen, he could not be stirred to the effort of words. She was seated in the media room with the children strewn about her. Henry was narrating the home movies that were playing on the television, recounting stories of his childhood with Ashley, Will sat beside him asking questions and laughing at the antics of Young Wolfie and Ashley. Seated on the floor at Helen’s feet, Kate competed for her attention with a laptop stocked with pictures from various Sanctuary shenanigans. He had to step over Kate to reach Helen. The younger woman rolled her eyes and scooted back.  
  
Helen’s eye’s were wary. She didn’t know how to reconcile what she had learned with the man in front of her.  Nikola had been so kind and attentive to her. He was charming and she truly enjoyed his company and brilliant conversation. Helen was very grateful to him for his friendship while she was out of commission, so to speak. Will had confirmed the truth of everything Nikola had told her. Indeed, he had seemed surprised by some of the details Tesla had admitted to. Will would have expected the vampire to shy away from mentioning anything that cast the immortal man in an unflattering light. Helen had to acknowledge that would be an easy way to manipulate a woman without her memories. Her trust in Nikola had been nearly immutable until she read that damning passage in her diary.  
  
So despite what she had learned, she didn’t question him when he leaned over to snag hold of her hands and drew her to her feet. Without a word, he fixed her with a look she was sure she wouldn't understand even if she had possessed a functioning eidetic memory. Then he turned and stalked off, a hand still in hers to draw her along with him. There was a chorus of objections from Will, Henry, and Kate at Nikola’s abrupt shanghai-ing of Magnus. The “where are you taking her?” and “geez, rude much Lestat?” reached through his determination and inner turmoil just as he and Helen reached the door.  
  
“Sorry to interrupt, but I have a Sanctuary head to heal.” He tossed back over his shoulder, sounding absolutely not sorry at all, for the interruption or for the weak play on words. “By all means, continue with the reminisces. I’ll let you know how it goes.”  
  
He was unsurprised to hear the three scrambling to their feet and racing into the hall to follow.  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AN - two more chapters to go!  
> I promise there will be more shippy Teslen goodness in Part II, there's less than i'd like in Part I.


	12. Chapter 12

Much to his annoyance and the deflation of what could have been a nicely dramatic moment, Nikola was forced to wait for Henry to access the lab where the artifact was held. The codes the vampire had been given did not access secure locations in the Sanctuary. They knew better than to let him wander unsupervised amongst the coolest toys.   
  
When they gained access and the group entered, Nikola was suddenly feeling his exhaustion. He wasn’t up for theatricals and this moment could backfire for him so badly, he didn’t even feel like gloating. So in lieu of explaining his findings or answering any of the questions the Scoobies had been throwing at him since they left the media room, he instead gestured Helen over to the artifact. He put a hand on her lower back to guide her, enjoying the warmth of her that seeped through her clothing, wondering if this was the last flirtatious touch he would be able to give her without being scolded in return.  
  
Nikola positioned Helen next to the artifact and took her hands, allowing himself a last look into the eyes that held affection without (much) suspicious or aggravation. Then he cupped his hands beneath hers and lifted them up, holding them there until she got the message and mimicked him, hands outstretched and waiting. He turned to the artifact and reached out for it. Cries of surprise and warning sounded for the others but Nikola ignored them. He carefully set his forearms around the device, careful not to allow contact with his skin below the cuff of his shirt sleeve. He hefted the artifact with as much grace as he could manage and turned back to Helen, dropping it in her hands.  
  
Helen flinched slightly; she’d been expecting the thing to be heavier than it was. It looked like it was made of stone, but the shell could have been medium grade plastic for all the weight to it. Yet it felt curiously like a high quality metal against her fingertips. She frowned at it then looked at Nikola, but when her lips parted to ask one of a number of a questions she had, it hit her.  
  
That is, _everything_ hit her. All at once. Every memory she had lost, all the years she had lived, all the people she had loved and lost. The memories of mourning came back as well, so the remembered grief didn't overpower her. But she gasped and staggered slightly at the unexpected restoration of _so much time_.  
  
Her employees rushed to her side to support her, questioning her, berating Nikola, and bullying Helen with gentle concern. Nikola stood rigid and unmoving, watching her intently, waiting for the results of this unorthodox experiment. He watched as Helen, under the urging of Henri and Wilhelm, set the artifact down again. When she turned back to the children she was flushed, her color high with emotion and reaction, but her voice was firm when she spoke.  
  
“It’s okay. I’m perfectly fine. In fact," she said, "I’m myself again.”

Magnus had to laugh slightly, amazed, relieved, ecstatic to be restored to herself.

Everyone turned to stare at Nikola.  
  
“You’re sure? You remember everything?” He asked Helen.  
  
“I wouldn’t remember if I didn’t," she pointed out, "but yes, every memory seems to be where it ought to be.”  
  
“You remember your education? Your adventures?” Nikola asked and hesitated before questioning further; he needed to be sure. “Ashley?”  
  
Helen took a deep breath and released it before she nodded. It hurt to remember, but it was a good hurt to have back. She wouldn’t trade the pain of remembering for anesthetic of oblivion.   
  
“Vienna in the springtime?” Nikola felt a small smile quirk his lips as he asked.  
  
It was outdone by the stunning sunbeam of Helen’s smile at one of her fondest memories. It was the happiest time she had ever spent with Nikola. She had never told him so but he knew her too well and she blushed when she couldn’t school her face back into composure. That only elevated Nikola’s tiny smile to a full smirk.   
  
“Yes,” she said, “I remember everything.”  
  
Nikola took advantage of the next few moments when Helen became distracted by her minions crowding around her, teeming with relief and questions, to release his tension. He closed his eyes for a second and exhaled a shaky breath, allowing himself one moment of weakness when no one was watching. Helen was okay. Helen was back. It was done. He wasn’t naive enough to think the matter was over entirely. He was sure Helen would have words for him at some point. But he’d done what he could to avoid her ire and only had the fortitude left to be glad he’d found the cure.   
  
He composed himself again quickly, fortuitously as it was only moments before the attention shifted back to him. There was a flurry of inquiries into how, what, and wherefore but he stilled it with an upraised hand. A lengthly explanation could wait for the tedious official report Helen would no doubt request him to file. He was far too tired to gloat right now. If he answered their questions about the artifact, he'd have to keep answering questions when Helen started to bring up the uncomfortable stuff. Instead he stepped past the kiddies to take her hand.  
  
“It is very good to have you back again, my old friend.” Nikola tried to mask his sincerity with his usual aplomb by raising her hand and pressing his lips to her knuckles. Already he could feel the difference in her touch, it was lighter, more hesitant as her old walls returned. “By the by, my dear, ‘keeper of memories’ does not translate to ‘time capsule’."  
  
Nikola's smirk was intentionally supercilious as he made a smug bow to her and strode out of the lab. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AN - one more chapter to wrap things up before Part II


	13. Chapter 13

When she finally extricated herself from the loving concern of her friends, Helen went looking for Nikola. It wasn’t like him not to stick around to gloat and receive his proper accolades. And he had really come through for her. Indeed, for the entire Sanctuary. God only knows what might have come to pass if she had lost control of the network.   
  
It had been hell losing herself. Oh pleasant as it could have been, with people to care for her and treat her well. But looking back now, she shuddered at how helpless she had been without the knowledge she had painstakingly accrued over a century at her disposal. It was only her great good fortune that this happened when it did, when she had a team to watch her back and Nikola to find the solution. If this had happened during one of the many decades in her impressive lifespan that she had spent alone..  she shuddered again at the thought.

Helen Magnus did not appreciate being helpless , defenseless, or ignorant.  
  
Thank heavens for Nikola.

There was a sentiment she was sure she had felt before but still never expected to think consciously. With her past returned, the memories of recent days seemed surreal in comparison. Particularly the time she spent with him. Which in hindsight was a lot. More concentrated time than they had spent together in decades. And he had been a perfect gentleman the entire time.  
  
He hadn’t turned the charm off, certainly, and Nikola was still Nikola even if Helen hadn’t been herself. But his recent minor flirtations didn’t begin to approach the advances he usually made on her. And she definitely hadn't imagined that moment in his lab. He hadn't even stolen a kiss.

Maybe she was missing his angle. But no, for two weeks he had been attentive, almost devoted. Free from her usual suspicion and doubt, he hadn’t taken advantage to pull his usual tricks. He didn’t resume his clandestine dealings when out from under her watchful eye, instead he had watched over her. And her Sanctuary.  
  
She debated what it all meant as she searched for him. Her first stop had been his suite, certain that a sleep-deprived genius would surely think to grab some rest now that the catastrophe was past. There was no response to his knock and when Helen let herself in (what? it was inviting trouble to give him a defensible place he could fortify against them without also giving herself a way in) she found the room dark and empty. Empty also was his lab and her office. She’d even checked her own bedchamber, as it wouldn’t be the first time he had visited her there after a triumph to test the waters and try to get closer.  
  
When Helen made it to the wine cellar, she knew she had found him. The door was left agape, strange for he who had given her lectures aplenty on the proper climate controls for storing wine. Nikola was inspecting a bottle when she found him. He didn’t acknowledge her presence and she wondered if she had managed to sneak up on him. Unheard of with his vampiric senses but his eyes didn’t seem to see the label on the bottle in his hands and she thought he must be worlds away. Or centuries perhaps.   
  
Given a chance to study him for a moment unnoticed, Helen could see a crease between his brows again. A faint but definite sign of concern for the usually nonchalant Nikola. She wondered where he was at in his head that wrapped him up so entirely. Helen could tell the moment he noticed her approach but he didn’t acknowledge her presence. She stepped to his side and inspected the bottle he held.   
  
Argentinian Malbec? Good lord, this was the bottle he had been staring at for several minutes now? With a start she realized how rarely she had seen a glass of wine at his side in recent weeks. It wasn’t absent entirely of course, it was Nikola after all, but his indulgence had been tempered quite a bit. She couldn’t bring herself to speculate why he would give up his beloved grape in trying times. But now with the stressful situation over, to revert to his habits with such an inferior vintage? Helen knew a cry for help when she saw one, even one with a uniquely Nikola accent to it.  
   
She eased the bottle gently from his grip and replaced it on the rack. She left his side and returned short moments later with another bottle offered to his inspection. The stone mask of his face lightening a bit as he read the label then turned to her.  
  
“Remember when you introduced me to Satz?” Her smile was reassuring, comforting. Whatever troubled him, they could work it out. Together.

If they could fix her memories, they could handle anything.   
  
It was a long moment before he smiled, but smile he did. Then he reached out and wrapped an arm around her shoulder, drawing her against his side and pressing a kiss to the crown of her head. Nikola wanted to hold her close and inhale the scent of her, revel in the warmth of her, but he released her quickly. He wasn’t ready to hear that warning tone in her voice, that “ _Nikola..._ ” holding him at bay every time he stepped inside her bubble, trying to get close to her in any way he could.  
  
“Its good to have your brilliance back, Helen. I applaud your choice of libations,” he said, brandishing the bottle at her gamely. “Come. I’ve got just enough energy to properly appreciate a glass before I collapse. It really is exhausting, endeavoring to restore that vast intellect of yours, you know. Remind me to befriend more empty-headed bimbos in the future, if you would.”

Helen smiled at his cheekiness and took her dearest friend's arm to lead him from the room.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> But wait! What the artifact? How did Nikola fix Helen? What does she have to say about his behavior during her amnesia?
> 
> For all that plus some tender Teslen moments, please tune into Part II. Coming soon!


End file.
